I GUESS I'll just Fly away~

friend (frěnd) Pronunciation Key

• A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.


• A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.


• A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.


• One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement:

The word friend maybe be 6 letters but it has more meaning than what it seems.

These few days it has been bad for me, taking today for example, i woke up late and was late for school. nothing good seems to be happening to me, except for unhappiness and sorrow. It's so scary thinking back on how fast faces changed, we can be happily chatting together, playing around with the usual laughter in the air and in another few hours later, you will staring straight at a stern looking face. flames burning in his eyes, eyebrowns crinkled, bringing expression to a halt.

I'm totally regretful for what i've done afterall i meant not harm, little did i expect the consequences to be like that. everything boils down to an "IF". if i knew this and if i knew that, the world we live in wouldn't be like that. After this incident, it makes me feel how fragile friendship can be. it is like an egg you hold ever so tightly in your hands and you have to go through hurdles of obstacles which sole purpose was to make you release that grip and there goes friendship. it seriously makes me ponder what are friends in this circle and thats where i realized we are merely aquintances. I'm merely just another lamppost you meet as your travel along life's expressway. one after another different lamppost past you and you just become numb to it and in the end you don't even realise it's importance anymore.

I can only say it was foolish of me trying to rush into things. As i stated back then, i felt isolated from this group. it's like my existence was just there to make number and i can even be a nuisance to the group. i only had one single intention in mind and it's not negative i hope. i just wanted to feel bonded back with the group. i think in an effort to do that i brought unwanted attention to myself and even bring barrage of unfortunate events.

Today on my way to school even though i was late i still made the effort to go school, i missed my bus and as i waited i saw my grandmother walking closer to me she too wants to take a bus. something poped out in my mind. i felt buses were like time and as i sat at the bus stop, different buses brought different friends, excitment and fun. they stayed with you at the bus stop and later, off they go on to another bus and then another bus comes along and bring you something new and the cycle goes on.

what i want is innocence, be it physical, mental or spritual. all i want are simple pleasure in life but in real world, simple pleasure is simply difficult to come by, all we can do is to wait in anxiety and hope. They said good things comes to those who wait, but i've been waiting patiently all my life, when is that special BANG going to appear to me. i'm too exhausted to keep my spirit in longing. My studies is a flop, way below average grades are coming to me which i had before, i guess this is the retribution i deserve.

In life cross roads are a plenty, decisions are made and i've made mine and i've fallen into a bottomless pit, now in free fall nothing can save me and with watered eyes, tears are lifted off my cheeks with the gushing of the wind and there is no regrets. Afterall decisions are made by myself i have nobody to blame and in no position to regret.

There is so much i want to say, my brains are cranking and those images seems choked. my brains are unable to process. anyway it pains me to see myself in this scenario, i guess it's just a revelation of time and i've got to take it in stride. i've got nothing to say and i guess i'm just guilty and convicted.

Only Time will tell